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Thursday, January 19, 2012

The End is Nigh.

I usually write about things that have already happened, but today I am looking toward the future. Not in a sentimental overdramatic I need to change my life and become the person I've always wanted to be kind of way. I know what I want to do in my future I want to eat bourbon biscuits and hang out with a host of kittens and owlets. Done. 


Today I booked my flight back to England. It felt a little weird. It is strange to have a definite ending point to this year, but this is why I decided to book at this point so that everybody would have a chance to accept that they can't keep me forever and hopefully over the next 3 months they can learn how to lose me without losing themselves.


Yes. In  96 days, 20 hours, 1 minute and 59 seconds I will be taking off from the city off Ottawa and taking the long perilous journey to.....






...Toronto. 
Yeah. I can't afford to fly directly from Ottawa to London. I can't spend over 700 pounds for that. People are clearly willing to pay good money to get away from Ottawa though. Poor Ottawa. 
After a little bit of a false start and 3 hours more of enjoying the Canadian dream I will finally be saying goodbye to the chipmunks, black squirrels and a host of my possessions - if you want the full set of 5 anthologies of American Literature then you should inform me asap. because those babes are in high demand. 


So then in 2328 hours I will be boarding Icelandair flight 1602 as the people of Canada take to the streets and weep in unison for me and the government commission a statue of me to be carved out of maple candy. Then finally I will leave the flight and step out into the beautiful city of....




... Reykjavik. I will thoroughly enjoy mapping my journey on my Owl globe which is partially responsible for robbing me of my money and insisting that I take the last convenient route for someone who doesn't like flying. Thanks owls. Thanks a lot. 


All that hodgepodging aside, in a mere 140,266 minutes I will be touching down at London Heathrow where I will be greeted by Prince William and Kate Middleton who will whisk me off to Buckingham Palace for a spot of tea with the Queen before I go off to shoot pheasants and foxes on my family's estate. Or if that fails I will probably just drag my 2 cases to the train in a state of exhaustion probably resembling the lame dog from family guy, 


 and then amble on down to the town where dreams are made - Chatham


8,414,418 seconds to go England. Set your countdowns running now. 



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